My new mistress winter

On the 1st day after the Winter Solstice, I sought a final release....a release which has been long overdue.  This plan started with a vision I had during my last bikepacking trip of the summer season....a vision which I shared in an email to a few friends and family immediately following that trip.  Yesterday, that vision came true....what I wrote back in September is quoted in italics.

Gearing up outside of the truck....Graham's whimpering became a constant reminder to hurry up and adjust my bindings and skis.....

Sunflowers are hard to come by in winter in a grocery store, so I grabbed the bouquet with the most yellow "sunflower" like flowers and strapped it to my pack for the climb up to the clearing I had envisioned.  As I skinned through the forest, I could feel the Folgers coffee can holding her dig into my back....a reminder that I was taking her to this spot one last time.  Listening to a few choice songs on the iPod, "I made my way to the clearing at the edge of the dark forest, thoughts of black and white swirling about in my head like the soft snow falling at my face......."

".....Walking out into the open expanse, snow slowly falling from above....the promise and potential of a warm dawn is dead...the heated romance that once was summer is gone......."  It is here that I paused for a few minutes and reflected.....Graham sensed something too and became much more stoic....

Climbing higher, I started to notice Graham struggling on the skin track.  The soft powder was not compacting enough under my skis for him to pass....so I helped him along physically in spots....and realized that he was helping me along in other ways.  I felt that he was helping me through this process of return, acceptance and release......What I had envisioned as a somber trip...was mixed with happiness and joy at my companions occasional hijinks....new beginnings for both of us.....cut into the virgin canvas of snow....on a skin track symbolizing a climb out of the darkness....

Arriving at the spot I had seen in my vision many months ago; I dug out a bivy for Graham and I to sit in, protecting us from wind while we watched passing clouds drop the occasional stellar dendrite from the sky...

   

Above me I planted the yellow flowers in the snow, lay down and cried a mixture of emotions....

Removing her from my pack, I planted the rest of the flowers at the spot I last saw her adventurous spirit....a fight to live life, a will to explore and a drive towards new experiences.......this is the lasting memory which will triumph over the memories of sickness and death......

 ".......He lets go of the memory as he falls into love with his new mistress winter....." 

"........It is here she comes to rest for time immortal amongst the snow and sunflower owned only by seasons eternal..."

Returning home, I make a few cautions turns in the thin snowpack....I look back to view our spot one last time as an eye in the sky looks down upon me.

That night as I lay in bed....the sound of a winter storm raging above me kept me awake for most of the night.....several inches of new snow had fallen.  My new mistress winter has come home.