Who the Hell is maadjurguer?

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I like to ski, mountain bike, drink beer, cook and listen to any jam band I can get my hands on; all while making a complete ass of myself. Hopefully this catharsis is as interesting to others as it is to me.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Liquid Dog Poo

Mrs. Maad and I just recently had our anniversary....the 4th to be precise. Following last years lead, we headed up to Sedona for some bike fun and some food fun. For starters, we decided on spending a little less this year than last....so instead of going here once, we went here a lot! I'm not bagging on a good bottle of wine....the Sea Smoke Southing Pinot Noir we had last year changed our lives....but so did the Munich Märzen seasonal brew we latched onto for our long weekend in Sedona this year. But as every good tale is told....you gotta go through some shit just to get to the happy ending.

Backing up, I had made reservations at a "pet friendly" motel over the internet. Upon checking in, I noticed the desk lady to be overly pushy...in a slightly annoying fashion. Maybe it was the way she insisted on taking forever while finding the map of the motel complex, all to show me my room location after I insisted I could find room 132 by myself. I mean....who get's lost in the parking lot of a budget motel? The fact that I wanted to get checked in, take care of the dogs, unload the car and ride my bike to the brewery ASAP did not help....this lady was in my way. However, I pushed the irritation back into my skull and faked a smile while this irritating lady found the "map" of the complex and wasted my time.

Upon reaching the room, we unloaded the entire car first...leaving the dogs and their crates for last. After shuffling the dogs into the room and leaving them with Mrs. Maad, I returned to the car to grab the crates. Upon my return to the room, I found my wife frantically trying to get Stella Blue (my 86lb German Shepherd Dog) into the bathroom and onto the safety of the tile. But it was too late.....Stella had shot liquid dog poo in several spots on the carpeting (she gets anxious sometimes in the car). Just as this lovely moment was unfolding....a knock on the door came.

Shuffling the dogs into their crates against a cacophony of barks and the stench of liquid dog poo, I opened the door to find the annoying lady from the front desk. She was mad....Absolutely No Pets Allowed. Stepping outside and closing the door behind me, I told her that when I made the reservations, I specifically stated this was to be a pet room and that all (motel chain withheld) locations are supposed to allow pets. She stated that this is dependent on the owner of the franchise and that I signed something yellow which meant I agreed to no pets.

I stated up front that I had not signed anything yellow...she insisted I signed something. I insisted back that I signed no such thing. In her rudeness....I wanted to belt her...not slap...belt her. But being a civilized person and not currently under sharia law....I told her we would pack up and leave. Returning to the shit-hole....Mrs. maad and I went into overdrive. Paper towels were engaged, baby wipes were deployed and perfume was expelled. Surprisingly...all of the poo came up, the baby wipes worked their magic....but the perfume made the room smell like.....well....a pile of dog poo with perfume on it.

We packed up all of our things back into the car and I turned on the bathroom fan....planning for the inevitable conversation when they would want to inspect the room. I had planned on telling them I took a huge dump, but was nice enough to leave the fan on for them.

Returning to the front office, I turned on the schmooze factor. Apologizing for the inconvenience, I asked for my refund.....some shuffling and some muttering came from this piece of work behind the desk. I distinctly heard her mention, "hrmmm....I can't believe I did not have you....Mr. maadjurguer....here is your refund". Walking away...quickly....I realized that I WAS right.....I never signed for the room because she had forgotten to make me sign the "yellow piece of paper which clearly states no pets allowed".

Quickening my stride....I mouthed to Mrs. maad....lets get the hell outa here! Making our escape....we both laughed as I showed her my receipt which showed a credit to my card. Now, I feel bad about the poo....I'm not inhuman. But we cleaned it up...and a few open windows and a bit of time will clear the rest up. However...given the lady and her rudeness, both before she "had a problem" with us and after when insisting that I had signed something when I had clearly not signed something....I think she got what was coming to her. The rest of the story is anti-climatic....we found a lovely place which was happy to take pets...was nicer...and even had complimentary dog bones at the front desk. Best Western....west Sedona....all the way!

I mentioned that you often have to wade through poo before getting to the good stuff....so as you have wadded through this pile of written poo as we waded through real poo in Sedona....I give you the good stuff.


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