Proud + Disturbing = ?

I've been staring at the following picture of me (how vain), taken by Chollaball after the squealer last sunday.  

Disturbing.....huh?!  I'm not sure what to make of it...I'm aghast, yet intrigued....some of the words and terms that come to mind are:

vain

fugly

freak flag

arrogant (blame the jersey)

proud

disturbing

confused

lost

confident

dehydrated

intoxicated (on stoke)

in pain

....in otherwords.....distinctly maadjurguer.  But in my research to find a word that combined the concepts of proud and disturbing which signify the median of the above terms....I struck out.  Hubris presents itself with the correct intent...but aiming in the wrong direction.  Perhaps, in this case, "intentional hubris" would be somewhat appropriate.  However....it still does not get to the root of what it means to be "proud" that I'm "disturbed" by this.  I dug deeper.  

Supercilious is closer.......a cool and haughty patronizing attitude......however I'm certain the word is, again like hubris, intended to convey a superciliousness towards someone else, in otherwords; not self inflicted.  Self-Inflicted-Superciliousness is as good as it gets with this one.....so I dig deeper.

A google search under "term for pride in being silly" leads to the following top results:

1)  Non-Racist words for white pride.....hrmmm....not really looking for some neo-nazi definition here....but I could see maadjurger pride creping in here

2)  A super silly activity pack.......strike two.....I'm certain that a twitter site hosted by Nickelodeon, the kids network, with the central theme of "Dora the Explorer" is not taking me where I want to go.

3)  Hater get's silly stringed at Gay Pride Parade in S.F.......ok...this is getting me closer...but still not on target....not that there's anything wrong with that...but I do look like whacked out/Village People/Crack Whore (I am, after-all, drinking Black Ice Malt Liquor at a piss warm temperature while eating a chocolate chip cookie the size of a pancake)

My search is taking me further and further away from the original intent....to find a singular term that encompasses being Proud and Disturbed.....a term that defines being stoked on being silly.  If you happen to know of a 16th century usage, now since out of favor....please let me know.  Perhaps there is some obscure law reference tucked away in a Mississippi statute that describes this.  I mention Mississippi because a good friend who practices law in Mississippi once described a gentleman who was charged with "General Thievery"....I asked him if that was really a legal definition and his response was, "Down here it is".  So, if you do know of a singular term, please respond and let me know.  Because until then....all I can come up with is maadjurguer.