Who the Hell is maadjurguer?

My photo
I like to ski, mountain bike, drink beer, cook and listen to any jam band I can get my hands on; all while making a complete ass of myself. Hopefully this catharsis is as interesting to others as it is to me.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Pinata Help

I'm back from my trip and a little frazzled. No riding and no lifting due to the hand have left me feeling pretty lame. I tried a few pushups this morning, but the wound kept ripping...so I'm gonna have to lay off of it. So, given this; I thought I would solicit your help in generating some ideas as to what to do with this beast shown on the left. I've ordered an orange cow pinata that looks a lot like Bevo for the dance down in Dallas coming up here in a few weekends. The question I have for you intrepid folks is twofold: 1) What to fill the pinata with and, 2) What sick twisted game can we play with it other than the standard blindfold, bat and "Oh, the suspense, the drama, will she hit it, oh god, there goes the glass window".

Please consider the following: I have already thought hard on filling it with beer, our demographic for the festivities will be noticebly older (>30 annum), we will most likely be inebriated.

First of all, the physical constraints prohibit me from stuffing this full of canned or bottle beer for the 2009 OU-texas game. Given that particle physicists are STILL searching for the Higgs Boson....all because some jackass at CERN gassed up the LHC a little too fast by releasing a tonne of liquid helium which melted down a few superconducting coils....we will have to cancel the beer filled pinata for the 2009 OU-texas game. Oh, and regarding the amount of helium released; you saw it right folks...a tonne...not a ton....a tonne. I had high hopes that when they fired up the Large Hadron Collider prior to OU-texas, we would be well on our way to enabling the rollout of a beer filled pinata, but alas; it goes to show you that one can never trust a room full of multi-national, post-graduate and distinguished members of the Max Planck Technical Staff with a 6.4 Billion euro piece of equipment. I guarantee you this would not have happened had you employed a few Geologists on hand! Ohh...and by the way...those superconducting coils that are now melted down...that's gonna cost another 120 Million euro.

Secondly, the demographics of the celebration will be a little old for the whole, "Oh whoopy"....candy is falling from the sky trick. Surely there must be something we can stuff in the pinata which is much more age appropriate than a bunch of high-fructose pills. Again....get over it.....we just can't put beer in there.

Lastly, I'd like to see if we can contrive a different game than the traditional, blindfolded whack-a-mole exercise. Granted, we will have been up since 0-dark-thirty drinking and the thought of blindfolding any of us with a Wiffle-ball bat in hand is pretty funny....I think we can make it even funnier. Golf clubs, chainsaws, shiv's made out of toilet paper...all fair game. Also consider sick and twisted rules like running a 40-yrd dash with your left and right shoes switched before running through a flaming hoop....and then having to smash the pinata. Before you all get up in arms about actually having to run 40 grueling yards all by yourselves....I would propose a 10x4 relay with drink stops in between each relay.

So....let the creative juices flow. Just remember: No beer in the pinata, what to put in the pinata (other than beer), and how to kill the pinata...er...bevo. Let the games begin.


Team A$$hole Designator (Simon) said...

Stuff Bevo with Zoloft and Vince Young Topps Cards? In town (Phx) for the OU-Nebraska game. It's time for a visit to this Gaylord Memorial Wing..

Anonymous said...

You have 1st reservations for the Gaylord Memorial Wing, room 1A. When do you roll into town?

Justin said...

I would vite to stuff the pinanta with beer.

Anonymous said...

I knew southern lawyers like yourself have your mint julips a little early in the day, but figured that you could still manage to spell "vote" correctly. Go litigate something and come back when you find that dictionary "Old Miss" provided you upon graduating suma cum dumb ass.

Post a Comment